Tuesday, June 23, 2009

a step to apology

“Ma….Mama, please don’t go. Don’t leave me. Mama please…”

Cassie ran with the shining pearls rolled through her round eyes and then, she felt. Her right leg stepped on a huge pebble. Her forehead was bleeding. She couldn’t stand up anymore. She even couldn’t feel her legs. It was really difficult for her to stand up. The figure still remained smiling and slowly walked through a dark lane. Her heart kept saying that the figure was her mother.

“Yes! That’s mama,” she was very sure that the figure was her mother.

“Mama…!” Cassie suddenly screamed.

She found out that it was just a dream. She sat down on her bed and began to hug both of her knees.

“Mama…” she started sobbing inconsolably. It was still 3.15am. She took her blanket, wiped her tears with it and covered all of her body. A few minutes later, she slept.

She woke up quite early that morning. Cassie saw herself through the mirror in her bathroom.

“Why not me?” she asked herself. Her tears started to suffuse again. She opened the shower pipe and let the cold water befell her. She started to hug herself and cried with all her heart.


Cassie went downstairs as usual to take her breakfast. She saw her father Mr. Sean was taking his breakfast alone. She decided to join her father that morning as she rarely had an opportunity to do a conversation with him.

“Good morning papa,” she said with a sweet smile on her lips. As she pulled the chair for her to sit down, Mr. Sean wiped his mouth and left her without leaving any words even saying goodbye. Cassie was already common with the situation since the tragic incident happened 8 years ago that she couldn’t forget until now.


“You’d lie to me! Get out! I don’t want to see your face anymore!” Mr. Sean pushed Cassie’s mother, Jane outside their house.

“Please dear…listen to me,” she begged and clinched Mr. Sean right leg.

Without any compassion, he slapped her on her face and then held her long wavy hair firmly.

“I said get out!” Mr. Sean shouted and pointed the gate.

Cassie at that time just cried and couldn’t say anything. She was 7 years old at that time.

“Kay, come to mama dear,” requested her mother.

“Kay, get in your room!” commanded her father.

She was afraid and went upstairs to her room. She even could hear her father’s rough voice snarled her mother. All the things that she could do at that time were crying. It was raining heavily at that night with the thunderstorm. Cassie’s mother walked slowly out from the gate with sobs. Her tears couldn’t be seen and for sure it was as many as the raindrops that felt that shivery night. As she looked back the house and saw her daughter was looking at her and crying through the windowpane, out of the blue…


TOOOP!! Cassie was conscious. The incident that had taken her mother’s life totally changed her father’s life. Mr. Sean rarely spoke even with Cassie. Cassie got up from the chair. She had lost her appetite. With a slow walk, she went upstairs. On her way to upstairs, her sight was suddenly blurry. She stopped for a while and touched her head. When it was back clear, she continued her steps.

As usual, she would open her pink diary, her ‘best friend’ and jot down whatever her heart wanted to say. As her pen danced on the page of the diary, a drop of red liquid suddenly felt. She found that she got nosebleed.

“Gosh! Again?!” she mumbled herself.

In a jiffy, she went to her washroom and washed the blood. Several minutes later, her sight was blurry again. Sometimes, she saw nothing. It was really dark. She got a really painful headache and felt like her head wanted to explode! She was almost fainted. She sat for a while as she felt that she could stand for it. No longer after that, the pain was gone. After feeling better, she went out from her washroom and wiped the blood that on her diary using her own hand. After that, she continued her writing.

On his way to the office, Mr. Sean realized that he had done something that was fool in his life and his family too.

“She’s innocent!” his heart kept saying this sentence.

“Jane, Kay… I’m so sorry…please forgiving me.” His tears started overflowing.

“She was my best friend, really the best that I had ever had. She helped me a lot. Late Jane and I were just friends and not more than that. I have my own family to take care of. If not because of her, you won’t see me standing here in front of you or exist in this world anymore! I was out of my mind that day. She had saved me. She didn’t have any intention. I hope you will regret for the things that you have done,” expressed Bratt.

He left Mr. Sean behind and started to move out from the cemetery with his family. Mr. Sean stunned. Everything that his wife had told him before was true. His heart covered with guiltiness.

The incident had changed him overall. He rarely spoke to his daughter. But, that day he realized that he had to start a new life with his daughter and not just kept silence forever. That was not a solution. He had to think about his only one child, Cassie’s future and also himself. He stopped his car and drove back home. He wanted to say sorry to his daughter. After several years, now he really regretted and realized that everything must be changed. To change that, what he had to do was asking for an apology from his daughter. His cell phone kept ringing since 5 minutes ago. He got 5 missed calls from his office. Actually, that day he had an urgent meeting. Conversely, he didn’t care about the calls. He knew that there was nothing more important than to see his daughter.

“That’s it! Today is her birthday. I won’t let her down anymore.” He smiled.


He entered the house and looked for his daughter. After he couldn’t find Cassie at ground floor, he went upstairs and directed open Cassie’s door. He saw Cassie was sleeping on her bed. He walked slowly towards her daughter. He saw his daughter’s face with a gloomy look. Cassie’s smile reminded him to his wife.

“She seems like you, Jane,” he whispered.

He didn’t realize that his tears began to flow again through his cheeks. He decided not to disturb his daughter’s nap. He took Cassie’s blanket and covered her with it until her waist. Then, he kissed her on her forehead. Mr. Sean found out that Cassie’s body was a little bit cold. Then, he slowed down the fan.

“I’m sorry, dear. Happy Birthday,” he whispered.

After that, Mr. Sean saw the picture of his wife on Cassie’s desk. His eyes attracted with a red dot on Cassie’s diary. He took the diary and touched the weird dot. He smelled it. It was blood! He suddenly became uneasy. His heart started to quiver.

30th July 2008

¤ Happy Birthday to me… ^0^ I hope papa will talk to me and wish me ‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY’. I hope so… I wish I can have my family back.

¤ It’s really hurt when papa didn’t answer me. How long he will do this to me? I had already forgiven him even though he was the cause of everything. Everything…yes! Everything… This loneliness really hurts. But I love him. I love papa so much. I don’t want to lose him. He’s the only one that I have now.

¤ Gosh! I got nosebleed again!

¤ It’s quite bored today. Hmm…I’m sleepy…so sleepy.

…nosebleed again!

Mr. Sean’s eyes spotted on these words. He became curious. Then, he lifted up the previous pages.

1st June 2008
¤ Leukemia… why must I? Why it chose me? Why???!!

Mr. Sean closed the diary immediately. He tried to wake Cassie up by shaking her body. Conversely, there was no any action even the answer from Cassie.

“Kay, get up dear…” Mr. Sean started to cry. He found out that body was cold. So cold…